ESCAPE.

that's what i need. i need to escape from this reality. the feeling im holding inside crowds with each other longing for that freeness, wanting to get out. when will i ever get the courage to do that. i've been thinking and wondering all the things i would do. is it really worth it? because i cant stand anymore of this.

what kind of person tells you that you're no value to them? when really it's the other way around. fuck it. honestly, i really cant take it anymore and as much as i've been saying it it's true and one day my mind is gonna burst! there's so many things left unsaid but no matter how much i try to make it work it doesnt. it wont and never will. i feel like a hopeless case who thinks of this horridness, but i really do feel this way. there will come a point that there will be nothing that would stop me. nothing to hold me down and make me feel like shit. because im more than that even though im told otherwise.

the only thing i dont fully understand is how can some people take it. live with what they're living with even if it makes their life miserable. make them feel like the tiniest dirt on the ground and then step on them some more. the force they have to put up with. i dont even know what to do anymore. it hurts me to see the ones i love get hurt. that person that i've erased from my life, still is being hated.

seriously, it hurts me so bad.
its like my whole life is shattered glass and each piece of it is still being torn apart each time. i feel alone. there's no one that could piece me back together. At least not for now.

"The part always has a tendency to reunite with its whole in order to escape from its imperfection." Leonardo da Vinci

It's been a while since i last blogged. it's valentines day tomorrow...i think it's stupid. like why do you need a day just to show someone you love them? why not show them everyday? maybe i just feel this way since i have no one to share it with. maybe it would mean more to me if i did have someone to share it with. on a good note, when it's over... i'm raiding the valentines day section of the stores! get all the goodies i want! :D

so i have this mix emotions towards this someone. i dont know if i like him or not. i probably do, and i just dont wanna admit it to myself. it's kind of complicated, i dont know. everytime i talk to him, it makes me smile. maybe it's just a crush?

is it wrong? the feeling of lust and desire. how can one make you feel this when your mind is telling you different emotions? so complicated, i dont even know if that made sense. it probably doesnt.

so there's this other guy, i dont know what i feel about him either...i haven't spoken to him in a while. he's also a tease. i dont know. i wonder why am i so teasable? why do i always fall for these guys? ugh.

desires. i know for certain it's not love...yet? idk, dont wanna go down that road again..

"The only thing wrong with love and faith and belief is not having it." - Haley James Scott, One Tree Hill